In an earlier blog I promised to present a list of rules and/or nuggets of advice which would allow future Saltire Foundation interns or those of you lucky enough to land yourself a graduate job here to survive and prosper in New York. Here they are:

1) Never make eye contact with a guy who casts spells on the street.

2) If a sign says 7 t-shirts for $10 it definitely doesn’t mean 7 t-shirts for $10.

3) If you think a subway carriage is full, picture it with another 5 people squeezed up against the door. Then it’s full.

4) You can never hear the story of the time I hitch hiked from Glasgow to Egypt often enough.

5) If you haven’t tried a Devil Dog by the time you leave, your time has been wasted.

6) If you go to an eatery which charges for food by weight it is good to estimate how much you think your food will cost before taking it to the cashier. Then double that estimate. Now we’re talking.

7) You can indeed get ANYTHING you want in New York. Unusual items I have managed to source in New York include mobile horse grooming supplies (from at least 5 different outlets) and petticoat alteration services. Not that I own a horse and/or petticoat. Also no word on whether or not they are able to alter your horse’s petticoat but I bet someone would.

8) In the spirit of rule no.7, if you’ve walked more than 2 blocks without finding a type of food you want, you’re either a very strict vegan or not that hungry.

9) Toilets are not called toilets here. They are bathrooms, restrooms or men’s/ladies rooms. Asking someone ‘where is the toilet?’ instead of ‘where is the restroom?’ is equivalent to asking ‘where is the table upon which I place my meal in order to eat it?’ instead of ‘where is the dining room?’

10) Everyone assumes you always drink whisky and have a deep knowledge of the subtleties of how it is brewed etc.

11) If someone on the street offers to give you something for nothing, what they’re actually offering to do is to rob you blind.

12) The rule ‘if you’re not fast, you’re last’ is especially true for getting a seat on the subway during rush hour

13) Rush hour begins at 7am and runs until 11pm

14) If it starts raining suddenly don’t worry. A guy selling umbrellas for 5 bucks will appear within 2 minutes.

15) Custard isn’t custard over here. It is soft ice cream. I don’t know what they call actual custard.

16) People on bikes here do not obey the green cross code. Or the UN code of human rights for that matter, these people WILL cycle into you.

17) It is socially acceptable to sing and nod ones head to ones music on the subway but it is not socially acceptable to have ones music loud enough that other people can hear it on the subway.

18) TV ads are much funnier here. They’re also much more frequent.

19) Every pizza restaurant you go into will claim to be the best/most famous in New York/The World. My pick: Gotham Pizza 78^th street and York Ave.

20) The most important New York rule of all: If you are unsure about whether to do something, pretend you’re in a Nike advert and JUST DO IT. The city has SO much to offer that it really would be a shame not to try some new, interesting things here. Leave your comfort zone on the plane. In the words of the guy from the Multi Gym TV ad:

“Get out. Get it done!”

 

Good luck!

 

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Posted 23-Aug-2010 23:06 by Christopher Jones